I was Born Perfect.... Things Change

Welcome! Here lies the blog of Kristi Web. I was born perfect but things obviously change. Check back often because things change everyday. The navigation is at the top

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March 31, 2010

KristiWeb Is Giving Herself A Spa Day!

Two posts in one day? Have mercy it must be a special occasion.. well lovies it sure is. I just got conned by my boss.

As I as sitting here blogging about HER a solicitor selling spa packages sauntered into the office and sauntered out with my 45.00

Ok... it's a good deal. Four separate spa treatments over four separate visits... though we are not 100 about letting a salon of people I don't even much know shampoo of condition anything up and through here....

Plus it would be a good bond with the BOSS mid day excursion... and I need all the good vibes I can get these days. So I am going spa-ing. Thank you Lord because I need it.

Labels: Beauty, Splurge

signed off at 3:37 PM

This is NOT a Lesbian blog.

I am not a lesbian. I am a hedonist... there is a difference.

Hedonist:a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.

Lesbian:a woman whose sexual orientation is to women.

Got it? Good.

Now.... this thing with HER is all about pleasure and self-gratification. I am interested and I want to know what it would be in a open (not around anyone I know of course) relationship with a woman. And since she lived and I work far away from where I live I should be able to do it without dramatics.

That plus the fact that she is a "stud" is even more taboo and more intriguing... well I think she is a stud.

See when I was talking to INTEL (a personal friend who is also a personal friend of theirs) she said that she was a stud.... but when I referred to her as a gentleman she responded with it in quotes... and then said she wasn't easily offended... which means she a) doesn't refer to herself as a gentleman and b) that it is an offensive term, but she just wasn't offended....

Things that make you go hmm....

Maybe I should ask her so I don't make another dumb remark... and I mean damn I have only spoken to her for the last few days. It seems a tad early to ask those kinds of questions, especially since we haven't even spoken on the phone... right?

Ok I really need to take DLS (down low sister) 101.... *side eye*

~ Kristi "Dunce Cap Dyke" Web

Labels: down low, Her, lesbian

signed off at 3:04 PM

March 29, 2010

There used to be a Him

But he broke my heart... twice. The second time being today so my last communication to him said.

"Darling I am totally over this thing and you. You just reminded me why. Have a wonderful life. I would prefer no response. Thank You and Goodbye ~K"

Kristi "And that's all I have to say" Web

Labels: Him

signed off at 8:44 PM

Her is still here...

So I thought I was going to have to post about the end of HER yet again... but surprisingly I don't.

I did have to switch up my swag because my original approach wasn't working but this new one is looking quite good .... yay? I guess.

But she is not the post of the day so we will come back to that at a later date.

~Kristi "Ooh I Think She Likes Me" Web

Labels: Her

signed off at 5:19 PM

March 28, 2010

I'm Really Not Into Her

This is not a relationship blog. This is not a "I need a man (or a woman for that matter)" blog. But this weekend has created an interesting opportunity to discuss Kristi Web's love life.

And here my love is where the "I am grown" comes out. Because let me be very clear, I know there will be people that come across this blog that will never comment, but will read daily to try and find out some dirt on me (my personal email is linked to this domain). But I digress.

Her

Her's existence on this blog is one that I didn't see coming.

She was a cocky New Yorker that I met at a friend's going away party. We danced, we vibed, we drank (a lot). The fact that her older (and presumably wiser) "uncle" was doing her damndest to get her to stop talking to me was probably what made it the most fun... small fireworks sure, but that is normally what happens when you combine competition and liquor.

She asked for and received my business card. I went home and woke up with a hang over.

Next day, no call.

Day after, no call.

That is where the story should have ended. Or where it did end for me.

Until Friday.... I get a mysterious text saying "Hi, I know it's been a while since we connected... blah blah.. hope you are well."

*blank stare*

Who is this?

*click clack as I put the unfamiliar area code in google*

New Jersey??? Oh Lord... it's HER

Next come a series of text messages where she tells me how she misplaced my card and had been looking for it everywhere. I let on that I figured something happened because no one "not calls me". I don't know I either came off really confident or like a total bitch... eek.

I don't know how to feel right now.

This isn't drunk sex with a now frenemy (Yes I am talking about you just in case you decide to share the link to my blog ~ AP) that was not nearly as good as promised and probably lead to some of their dramatic response to our "breakup".

Do I want her to call me? Yes. But why? Is it my insane need to win at everything? Is it my uncontrollable desire to manipulate relationships? Am I a closeted lesbian (I doubt that one greatly)?

We shall see.... did I mention she's white? My mom is definitely not going to approve of that one lol.

Kristi "Closets are for Shoes" Web

PS Is it bad that I already made her a label for future posts?

Labels: dating, Her

signed off at 8:28 PM

March 27, 2010

I am looking forward to NOTHING!

My goal today is to sit on my butt with a conditioner cocktail on my head... watching the Unit series 1 disc 3 and farmvilling.

Maybe I will leave the house. Maybe I will end up at Starbucks with a hat on my head and a I heart nerds t-shirt.

We shall see.

I be blog back.

~Kristi "My Bed is wonderful" Web

signed off at 9:43 AM

March 25, 2010

Queue This No.1

Okay before I go into my quickie movie reviews a la Kristiweb, I would like to say that NONE of this could be possible without my boo, Netflix. Thank you for all of your support, your guidance, and just for knowing me as well as you do...

The Last 5 Movies from My Queue (click pic for IMDB record)

The "Okay I have to call you when this movie is over":

5 Stars - Loved it. I am on not sure why I am on this military/ special intelligence series... kick. But this one is superb. I love that you get such a cool insight into the lives of their wives. I am soooooo ready for the next freaking disc to come in! And Mr. Allstate Commercial guy has yummy old guy swag.

When to Watch - The next time you missed 24 because you didn't pay your cable bill.

4 1/2 Stars - Another series that definitely caught my attention. It was the story of a family "caught up" in a web of drug addiction, drug selling, and family heartache. I am giving it "extra" credit for the time period that it was produced as well.

When to Watch - The next time you want to complain about not having PS3 when you were growing up.

The "Yeah I Saw That One":

3.... and a possible stars (7 book hand): You know how when you are playing spades and your partner says I have 4 and a possible. You look at your hand and say well I see 3... but nawww let's not push that hand. (I'm a spades chick from waaay back)... well that's how I felt about this movie. I wanted to like it. I thought I just might but there was no plot, no purpose, and no conclusion. Yes I understood the characters but I just didn't care...

When to Watch This: ... When you are too lazy to change the channel.

3 1/2.... (I'll push it Partner hand) - Do I feel crappy for not giving this a 4?

Not reallly but this is one of those movies that could have easily been a 4 to most people. I liked it... I did. I knew it would have to be well done, I don't queue very many movies where the main character is a sex toy BUT ... would I put this in personal collection? No. Would I recommend to friends? Nah....

When to Watch This: Those days you just don't want to be bothered with anyone that can talk back.

The "I want Those 90 minutes Back":

I tried to watch this movie twice. I know it's from 1997. I am a big period person fan (movies and books) but.... this just didn't do it for me. So.... that was it.

Shipping Today:

The Stoning of Soraya M.
The Unit: Season 1: Disc 2 &3
Cashmere Mafia: Complete Series: Disc 1 & 2

Labels: Movie Reviews, netflix

signed off at 10:46 AM

Yes I am an OG blogger

...even if this is my third post.

See this may be my third post on THIS blog but I have had more blogs than *insert your own snarky comment about Tiger Woods and his mistresses*.

I just have a tendency to talk too much, stir up too much controversy, and then run for the hills.... so maybe I am not a quitter. Maybe punk is the right word.

So now I'm back and I have decided that I am no longer the 21 year blogging about her first drink, or the 23 year old blogging about my boyfriend's REFUSAL to let me leave his sight. I am now the 27ish year old that is secure enough in her statements to scream from the top of her lungs "Yeah I said it.... and I Mn Fn Meant It!" Unless my mom stumbles across this blog.

So I'm baaack. I wonder if I can scoop up any of the old e-homies.

~ Kristi "Don't Judge Me" Web

Labels: blogging

signed off at 9:29 AM